Alexandra: It’s time for our weekly chat, dear Universe. I’d say for our weekly tête-à-tête, but you don’t exactly have a head, do you?

Universe: Hello dear one! We may not have a head, but we certainly have a heart.

A: And thank goodness for that!

U: Quite. What’s on your mind?

A: I’ve been thinking about a piece of wisdom imparted to me when I was still a teenager. An older teenager, who felt very old, because she was unhappy. Anyway, the wisdom, which sounded good but I didn’t really understand it back then, was: “It’s a great life if you don’t weaken.”

U: Wisdom indeed. And why have you been thinking about this?

A: Because I had a breakthrough a few days ago. I managed to derail a habit that weakened me, and life does indeed feel great now!

U: We rejoice for and with you!

A: Thank you! Now, you know I have an addictive personality –

U: Forgive us for interrupting, but yes, we know this about you.

A: I’m sure you do! Well, addictions are about consuming something that gives you a short-term high that you love and crave, only to give you long-term harm that you hate. And feel powerless to change, because it messes with your mind. Rather like being possessed by an evil spirit, now that I come to think of it.

Well, I’ve battled against my addiction to watching videos online so many times, and temporarily won, only to succumb again after a while. And every time that I indulge, I’m physically exhausted afterwards, and my eyes feel like they’re on fire. Hour after hour of staring at a screen, hypnotized by the moving images.

But this time, I broke the spell.

U: How so? And how can you be so sure?

A: Because according to my behaviour pattern around addiction, this week I got to the point of no return, where the desire not to do it completely overwhelmed the desire to do it. That’s always been my point of departure. It’s not a case of will power; it feels like a switch inside me has been activated. Like when a train is running on a track and someone pulls a switch or a lever or whatever that thing is, to make it change track, change direction. It’s like that.

U: We feel there is something more you wish to tell us.

A: You’re right! But then you are The Universe! The way this happened reminded me so much of the day I left my drug addiction behind. That day, I chanted to the Gohonzon – you know, the sacred scroll that embodies the Law of Life – in tears over the desperate situation my life was in. So my heart was completely open. Shortly before, I had halfheartedly resolved to overcome the addiction, only to then sink into it worse than ever before. And finally, through my chanting and weeping, I recognized what I had to do if I wanted a life worth living. It became crystal-clear what I needed to do. And I did it.

This was so similar, but truncated. On Wednesday last week, I reflected on my video weakness and resolved to change it. The next day, I indulged in it as if my life depended on pouring myself into it. Every time I thought, “I must stop now, it’s getting late,” I just watched a few more, and then a few more after that. It got so bad, it drove me to the Gohonzon in despair over my powerlessness to control myself. I prayed, “Please, help me! Help me stop doing this!” All my excuses and justifications and denial fell away. I admitted to the Gohonzon and to myself: “I have a problem. And this time that I waste so lavishly on watching videos, and living vicariously through them, this time could be spent chanting, or talking with a friend, or writing, or sleeping. That would fulfill me and make me feel happy. Instead of always living in regret that ‘oh no, I did it again.’ “

I chanted some more and then stumbled off to bed. And believe it or not, next day I woke up feeling like a Completely. Different. Person. When I notice videos online, there’s nothing inside me that responds to them. They’ve lost their power over me.

U: We do believe it. Wholeheartedly. For that is the key. Focused, wholehearted prayer reaches both down into your inner life and out into the entire life of the Universe. Everything realigns according to your sincere change of heart.

A: It’s wonderful! I’m so happy!

U: Yes, dear one, it is indeed wonderful.

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash