Universe: Greetings, dear one!

Me (Alexandra): Oh, hello Universe. You’re catching me at sixes and sevens, I’m afraid.

U: Is that a human game – sixes and sevens?

A: No. It means that I’m feeling a bit muddled and confused.

U: You do look rather… thoughtful. But not, if we may use another of humanity’s strange idioms, down in the mouth.

A: I feel sort of encouraged and sort of challenged. Sort of uncomfortable and sort of hopeful.

U: We see. That is quite a mixture. We have always been impressed by the seemingly limitless number of feelings that humans harbour at any given time. May we inquire as to the source of these energies?

A: That’s it, isn’t it. Feelings are a kind of energy.

U: Just so. A frequency running through your heart-mind-body.

A: I watched part of an interview this week with Dr. Joe Dispenza by Steven Bartlett in which Dr. Joe said:

“Nobody changes until they change their energy. And when they change their energy, they change their life.”

I so want to change my life. Yet I discourage myself and distract myself into same ol’-same ol’. I started flirting this week with a little doomscrolling. Sugar’s been calling my name, too. Flirting is a dangerous game to play with fire.

I understand intellectually that an ancient part of my brain is trying to keep me safe from risk, and also to conserve energy, because laying down new neural pathways takes much more energy than using the same old pathways formed in the past. But understanding this makes change seem even more unlikely for me. And I feel so much fear!

U: May we suggest to you, dear one, that this discomfort you describe is part of your process of growth?

A: That would be nice, if it serves a positive purpose. Turmoil for the sake of turmoil is a very bad-taste joke.

U: We ask you to consider if you have made changes in the past that you were certain initially couldn’t or wouldn’t happen?

A: Yes, I have. Getting off cigarettes, drugs and alcohol, not eating doughnuts (I used to eat SIX in one sitting!), getting out of bad relationships. I’m a highly addictive person.

U: May we suggest to you that seeing yourself as “a highly addictive person” doesn’t serve your expressed desire to change. Your thought and spoken words are immensely powerful creative tools. You express your life through your inner and outer voice.

A: You’re right. Of course You are! And again, I know this intellectually. The “addictive personality” description is an old one. A talk-track, to use corporate-speak, that I unthinkingly trot out all the time.

U: Just so! And anything well practised becomes well established.

A: I suppose I could say instead that I’ve overcome some really strong addictions, and I can do so again. 

U: Precisely! The truth of your life is that you are immensely strong, and powerful. Focus on that. Practise thinking that.

A: Thank you. And maybe I can really challenge my concept of myself and say that I can definitely break through. After all, I have the Gohonzon enshrined in my home. And that’s the greatest weapon I could ever arm myself with. I haven’t been conscious enough of its power when I chant before it. I’m going to start reminding myself when I chant to my Gohonzon that our power is much stronger than the influence of my negative karma.

I’m glad you came by, Universe. I’m feeling much better now, thank you. Clearer. And I’m going to apply something I heard Boy George say once (he can be very wise at times):

“Be more conscious and less self-conscious.”