Me: Universe! Are you there? He-e-elp me please!

Universe! Of course we’re here. We are, to quote your Beatles, here, there and everywhere.

Me: Thank goodness. I thought you might ignore me because I’ve been ignoring you. And I’m getting close to something and the closer I get, the more the dark side is trying to scupper me. I need your help!

U: Dear one, the Universe functions on compassion, not tit-for-tat. We are simply and heartily glad to hear from you again.

What is it you’re getting close to?

Me: A breakthrough. My goal date is July 3rd. Don’t ask me what breakthrough exactly – I don’t know. But I determined in April in my chanting of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo to have a breakthrough by May 3rd, and incredibly, I broke through the doomscrolling addiction I had. So I thought, this is great! I’m going to do it again!

U: We are happy to hear you no longer have an inexorable pull towards endless social-media futility.

Me: Me too! Thank you! I realized this afternoon though that I have to be careful and take loving care of myself so I can stay strong and not get lost.

U: It is ever so. A strong determination – even an open-ended one like yours – brings the dark side out of the shadows to try to prevent you from making it a reality.

Me: You’re right. I was doing so well for a while.Had some great realizations. And a memory that returned to me…

Years ago, I had a long wait at LAX for the ride coming to transport me to a personal development event in California. I filled the waiting time with a hew book. It was called 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. And I had a profound realization while reading.

I saw clearly that every time I thought it doesn’t matter, what I actually meant was I don’t matter.

Then I forgot all about it, until mystically, 20 years later, it returned to me while on my morning walk last weekend.

All.the times I thought it doesn’t matter – about not cleaning my home, or not sewing on a missing button or not eating when I feel hungry or not giving myself enough sleep… All those times I believed it’s just me and I don’t matter.

U: This is a powerful realization, dear one. For you most assuredly do matter. If you didn’t matter, you wouldn’t have a life.

May we offer some modest words of wisdom?

Me: Yes please!

U: The dark side that you experience coming up inside yourself. While it’s true that its intention is to stop you or block you, if you stand strong like the spiritual warrior you truly are, then you will transform the dark side into an influence that strengthens and benefits you. When you have such determination, the dark side is powerless against you. Rant and rail though it might, it cannot prevent you from transmuting its energy into something very positive for your life.

Me: Thank you. I know this is true. I just need reminding. Especially times when I feel really shaky and directionless.

U: Allow us to share a quote from your mentor, Daisaku Ikeda, to encourage you:

Anyone who has ever made a resolution discovers that the strength of that determination fades in time. The moment you feel that is when you should make a fresh determination. Tell yourself, “OK! I will start again from now!” If you fall down seven times, get up an eighth. Don’t give up when you feel discouraged—just pick yourself up and renew your determination each time.

Me: “Don’t give up when you feel discouraged.” That’s what I always used to do – give up. No more! I’m going to live a life that matters! I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to keep trying!

Photo by Rozam Ali on Unsplash