The transformative power of Nichiren Buddhism

Nine years ago, in 2017, I was headed west in my car on Toronto’s notorious Highway 401 on a Saturday afternoon. Traffic was even heavier than usual, moving forward slowly in a continual stop-start motion. I was very tired, and unfortunately, I put my foot on the wrong pedal at the wrong time, and bumped into the rear of the black pickup truck in front of me. My heart sank…

I got out of my car, which had a damaged nose, but there was no sign of damage or even scratches on the back of the truck. I apologized to the male driver and female passenger who were still sitting in the truck. The man said they were calling the police and told me to return to my car. My heart sank deeper.

The police arrived. The officer treated me kindly, with no mention of a ticket. The damage to my car was only cosmetic, so I drove to make a Motor Vehicle Collision Report and then drove home. I felt awful. I had completely inconvenienced these people’s lives that afternoon. I tried, unsuccessfully, to locate the driver’s address so I could send them flowers to express how sorry I was. 

Nine months later, I was officially notified of the man’s intent to sue me for a million dollars. Five months after that I was served with papers that listed numerous accusations, including that I was drunk and on drugs at the time of the accident. They also listed numerous injuries the man was claiming for. I felt very afraid and beyond awful at the thought I’d hurt him so badly.

My insurance company was wonderfully supportive. They assured me the case was bogus and appointed a great female lawyer to represent me. She was there early in 2019, when I presented myself at a nerve-wracking Exam for Discovery, where all my answers to questions from the man’s lawyer were recorded. I remember how surprised his lawyer looked when he asked me what speed I was doing, and I replied truthfully, less than 20 kph.

They submitted photos of scratches that I allegedly caused on the back of the truck as justification for the new paint job they had claimed for. My lawyer commented to me that the scratches were too high up to have been done by my Honda Civic. 

Anyway, two months later, I was served with more papers by a different law firm. This time the woman passenger was suing me – and her common-law male partner the driver – for a million dollars plus costs. Seven pages listed accusations – “violently rearended,” “excessive speed,” “violently collided” – and detailed the disabilities she suffered because of the accident. 

I also received a letter from my insurance company saying that I was covered for a maximum of one million dollars and if judgement went against me for more than that, I would have to pay the difference out of my own pocket. In a panic, I called them. They reassured me that this second case was also bogus, and they’d do their utmost to defend me. When I asked about the strangeness of the woman suing her common law partner – the truck’s driver – they said it wasn’t that unusual.

Three years later, in 2022, the driver’s case against me was settled out of court. But the woman’s case against me and her partner was still hanging over my head. Then in July this year – nine years after the accident – I received a lawyer’s assistant email asking me to contact them because things were moving ahead. I felt nervous and scared and I put off calling the lawyer’s office for a day. When I did call, they told me the case would be tried for 15 days in court in October, and I would have to be present for two of those days for a trial by jury.

The old me would have been terrified and burst into tears. But I’m not the old me anymore, and I’ll tell you why.

Earlier this year I became fed up with being held back my whole life by the traumas of physical and verbal abuse that happened to me many years ago, starting when I was a child. They were like wounds that never healed that psychologically crippled me. I lived with constant anxiety and shame, and had no confidence in myself. Despite many experiences of great benefit since I began practising Nichiren Buddhism in 1983, I felt stuck. I firmly believed that other people could win with the incredible practice of Nichiren Buddhism, but not me. In other words, I belittled myself and the power of the Gohonzon. (The Gohonzon is the sacred scroll that Nichiren Buddhists fuse with when chanting.)

And in fact, the power of the Mystic Law (of life) made visible in the Gohonzon is such that if you keep going consistently in study and in practice for yourself and others, it’s not possible to remain the same. So gradually, the light of faith began to replace the darkness of doubt in my heart. 

I even had the courage to make a determination to the Gohonzon that I would break through and change myself by a significant date in the Soka Gakkai calendar, leaving it up to the Universe/Gohonzon what the change would be. For decades, I had avoided this kind of challenge, because I didn’t believe I could do it. To my utter surprise, I stopped doomscrolling on the appointed date. So I made another open determination. This time my inner life, my experience of myself, became less uncomfortable. Roomier, somehow!

In The Human Revolution novel, Daisaku Ikeda wrote: “If a man (sic) believes in something that’s mistaken, no matter what it is, it will drag him into the depths of misery. … To mistake a fallacy for the truth and believe it is the most horrible thing in the world.” He’s right. I used to believe that I was weak; incapable; everything, whether bad or good, was too much for me; I was not strong; and not a winner. And I suffered so much as a result. 

Daisaku Ikeda teaches that we must take action in addition to chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. So I embarked on three different kinds of complex trauma therapy, two of which are still ongoing. The therapy programs, supported by strong and consistent Buddhist practice, are helping me heal and understand and have more compassion for myself, and others. 

I have also deepened my study of Buddhism. I’m studying like I used to in my early years in the SGI Canada young women’s group: hungrily seeking wisdom and guidance to help me move forward on the path of happiness. Sometimes that means going back to restudy articles from the past that resonate with greater significance, now my faith is stronger. Thanks to an SGI Vice President’s guidance from the year 2000, I started giving 15 minutes of my daily chanting to appreciating myself and my life. It’s a game changer.

Of course, the looming court case was part of my life, so I started appreciating it, also. And the woman behind it. Sometimes I even pictured the two of us chanting together, side-by-side.

The day after I found out that I was going to be tried by jury, I wrote in my journal:

“I realize that the reason I felt so nervous and scared about the court case is because I avoided getting in touch with the lawyers office for a day. I need to face it and take action. That’ll take care of fear of the unknown.”

As I wrote these words, I became aware that the French webradio station I listen to was playing a track that repeated the same five English words over and over again throughout the entire song: Those five words were: THE BATTLE IS ALREADY WON.

Actually, through chanting with appreciation for the situation, I came to see that the battle wasn’t between me and the woman suing me. It was between fear and courage within me. That’s why the situation she brought me is so precious, so valuable, for my life. Unbeknownst to her, she acted as my friend, helping me to grow and develop from the old me to the new and stronger me. The me who is no longer fooled by a negative interpretation of past experiences into believing that they mean I’m weak and hopeless.

Because I saw the woman as my friend, I had no hard feelings towards her. I planned to go to court to say: “I made a mistake and I’m truly sorry, but it wasn’t at all the catastrophic high-speed collision you’re alleging.” I would stand up for truth in my power. Not against her, but for me.

I didn’t have to. Just days after the Universe/Gohonzon sent me the message that the battle is already won, the case was settled out of court and the suit against me dropped.

Daisaku Ikeda says: “When we change, the world changes. The key to all change is in our inner transformation – a change of our hearts and minds. This is human revolution. We all have the power to change. When we realize this truth, we can bring forth that power anywhere, anytime, and in any situation.” 

I am very grateful for this opportunity to prove to myself that I can break out of the trance of illusions that make me suffer in fear.

Moving forward, I am determined to continue appreciating myself and my life, so that I can turn everything – including those things that initially scare me – into an opportunity to expand my inner life. And because everything is fundamentally One, my inner transformations will also change the energy in the world around me.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo ❤

Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash